I don't know what to do with this immense sadness of mine. I'm not well. I need help. I need your help. I miss you. Why is it that in our lives the people we have loved never loved us back? Why is it that the people that have loved us, that have cared about us, are often people we didn't love?
I remember the first time we met.
Your side face had me like crazy and I was never the crazy type. I remember mistaking you for being older, only to realize, jeez I can't believe you're this young and yet you're here. Funny thing is I'm actually younger than you are, it's just I felt older than most people my age.
To meet someone is one thing, to know him is another. You make me realize that, even at the darkest moment of my life, even when every factors of an encounter pointed to a shot for romance; even after we chatted for hours after first glance, even when it all took place in the midst of Covid madness, in the middle of nowhere - I could still somehow mess it up. I get it, you weren't interested. I get it bc I wasn't interested in most romantic pursuits in my life. And now look where I am. Look how lonely I have become.
And look at this profound sadness.
Only this time I'm not sure I really want to heal anymore.